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How people of Gaza feel right now?

A 6 years old orphan child in an orphanage was adopted by a family who did not have children. They took him, embraced him like a son, provided him with shelter, food and love. 

Three years later, the wife got pregnant and they had their own baby. What id they do? They brought the orphan child to the orphanage. He was crying all the way, he kept apologising all the way for any mistake he had made or that he might possibly make. He begged them to keep him. He did not understand what and why this was happening to him. Why was he being punished, why was he being thrown back to hell. After having some kind of peace, after having a glimmer of hope, they took it all away from him. He wished that they had never taken him out of the orphanage. Instead of being the most beautiful years of his life, the 3 years of being with this family became the ugliest memory, and left a scar on his soul and in his memory. 

This is exactly what is happening to the people of Gaza. We wish there were no truce. After 15 months we got used to the war. The pace of war had slowed, and the bombing had become much less frequent. We had adapted, coexisted, and found a way to survive despite the scarcity of food, water, medicine, and security. We had adapted to this reality.

The truce gave us hope. We began to lick our wounds and fix what we could with minimal resources. We began to feel a sense of security and stability. 

They stole this small hope from us. They threw us into the abyss of despair, destruction, hunger, thirst, death, wailing, and devastation. We wish they hadn’t stopped the war. We wish the war had continued as before. We wish they hadn’t given us hope. The worst thing that is happening to us now is that we have become hopeless.

Every moment is passing like in hell. We are dead but with some time differences between one another. We are living moment by moment through hell, just waiting for the end of us. 

Palestinian Hostage at an Israeli torture camp 

He was just released from the Israeli torture camp.

He had just gotten off the bus that drove them from Israel to Gaza when I called my sister-in-law’s husband, who was there with many other people, waiting for the kidnapped Palestinians to be released. I asked to speak to him.

“Thank God for your safety.”

“I lost… I lost a lot. I lost everything.”

“What matters is that you came out safely.”

The call ended. That was all he said: “I lost a lot. I lost everything.”

After a few days, he began to speak and share some of what had happened to him.
He didn’t speak all at once. Instead, from time to time, he would mention something, then fall silent, only to return hours or a day later to say something else. Some of what happened to him, he didn’t share with everyone. He only told my wife, and she told me. He was ashamed, but he had no reason to be.

“When they took me from the street in mid-December 2023, they forced me to strip off all my clothes except my underwear. Before anything else, a soldier reached out, took my glasses from my face, threw them on the ground, and crushed them under his military boot. My glasses, without which I can barely see. They tied my hands behind my back with plastic rope. They led me, half-naked, to a side street where there was a large transport truck, the kind used to carry sand, stones, and goods.

Inside the truck were a large number of men, piled on top of each other, barely able to move. They blindfolded me with a piece of cloth, and then I felt hands grabbing me, lifting me up, and throwing me onto other bodies. I fell, landing on top of others, in pain, hearing screams and groans of agony around me.

We stayed in the truck for hours, and from time to time, a new person would be thrown on top of us. The truck moved. I can’t tell you for how long, an hour or hours. It stopped, and suddenly it began to tilt, and we started rolling over each other. The truck was tipping, and we began to fall, hitting the ground and each other. I fell on my left side, feeling a sharp pain in my left arm and the left side of my face. I had fallen on rough, uneven ground, full of stones and gravel. I felt every part of my body screaming in pain.”

He couldn’t continue. He fell silent, and everyone respected his silence. Beside him were his mother, father, wife, his young daughters Helen (8 years old) and Rovan (4 years old), his siblings, and his brother-in-law. Everyone respected his silence. He got up and went to the bathroom. He stayed there for more than half an hour. It wasn’t hard to guess that he was crying, as the sound of his intermittent sobs reached everyone.

“ Over the course of more than three months, the torture was continuous and unrelenting.
They put my left hand in a cast on the third day of my abduction. They broke it three times during my captivity. They inserted a needle into the joint of my elbow, between the bones, more than once. Each time, I would lose consciousness from the intensity of the pain.

How many times did they take me from the cell for a torture session? I don’t remember. But every time, they forced me to strip completely naked. Some of the soldiers would extinguish their cigarettes on my buttocks, in my anus. I don’t know how a human can endure this level of torment. I don’t know. I couldn’t endure it. I would either lose consciousness or scream madly until I lost the ability to scream. Electric shock torture was part of every interrogation session. Their favourite spot was my genitals, which they would electrocute.

Three continuous months, and I had no answers for what they wanted. Three months of relentless torture. The worst form of torture was sleeping deprivation. I only slept during the hours I lost consciousness. There was classical music with a single tone blaring loudly in the cell all the time. Every hour or two, a soldier would come in with a water hose and spray me violently.
Every now and then, a soldier would enter and kick me anywhere on my body, then leave. All of that is nothing. Yes, nothing. When someone comes from time to time carrying a picture of my wife and 2 daughters to tell me, ‘Here, we’ve reached your wife and children. They’ve been eliminated. We’re easing your burden, so you don’t have to worry about their food or drink anymore. They’re dead now.’

And after two or three months, someone else comes with a picture of my family’s home and asks me, ‘Do you recognize this house?’Then they show me another picture of a destroyed house and say, ‘We bombed your family’s home. Your mother, father and sisters are dead under the rubble. Now you can enjoy your prison time without worrying about anyone from your family. None of them are left.’ 

Now, I can’t move my left arm properly.  My left eye can barely see, even after I bought glasses.
I limp on my left leg. I walk with my legs apart. I can’t walk like a normal human.
I’m amazed that I’m still alive. But am I really alive?

To be a Palestinian from Gaza

17 October 2024

I went out with some friends for a cup of coffee here in Cairo. The coffee that I ordered was not yet at the table when I received a call from my wife asking me to come back home immediately, Buddy, our dog bit my daughter Salma’s hand. 

My heart tumbled. I jumped off my chair, ran out to the road, took a taxi and went home directly to check on my daughter. It was a very little cut in her finger, she was playing with buddy and he bit her accidentally. She is ok. 

The following day I went to the coffee with the same friends. They asked about Salma and I reassured them. 

Hamada, my friend, said: ‘You see how you jumped up out of worry for your daughter yesterday and how afraid and anxious you were? That is very natural fatherhood. 

He continued: ‘I sent a massage to a friend in Jabaliya to check on him and this is how he answered me. He showed me a WhatsApp message.

How are you, my friend? How are you coping in Jabaliya? 

My little daughter Sama, the one and half year old and my two sons, Khaled and Ahmad and my wife were killed last week when my house was bombed. I was out looking for some food for them. This is how I am.  

What Remains for Us? What Remains of Us?

29 March 2024

 

Bones covered with skin and some cheap, dirty clothes, faces unshaved for weeks, involuntary slow-motion walking, heads down, dirty hands and faces, childrens’ shoeless feet. Despair is obvious, it is so clear and thick, it fills the air, anyone can feel it, smell it, touch it. Despair moving around, controlling the atmosphere. As if I become a living creature by shouting aloud, I prevail. No place for anything but me, despair.

 

What remains for us? A brutal, savage, murderous occupation army over a doomed land.

 

Broken men, defeated women, destroyed children. No past, no future, but the present, the current moment, survival, if possible, but for sure not life.

 

Are these the people of Gaza? Am I the man I used to be? Did I live? For 55 years? Did I spend good and bad times like any human being? Did I fall in love? Did I go to the beach and spend leisure time there? Did I have a glass of good wine with some beloved friends? Did I become a father and feel all those waves of emotion? Did I feel the tranquility of having my own home after 30 years of hard work? Did I travel and meet new people and enjoy new places?

 

I know I did. I was in Belgium last May, and in Sweden and Jordan. I know that I had a great time with new and old friends. I know that I was so happy to meet with my friend Jonathan after 11 years without meeting each other. I know that I had great fun climbing a mountain.

 

But why don’t I feel anything? Why does the memory come flatly, without feelings? Even the sad memories recalled without feelings? What happened to me? Which part of me was stolen? I feel heavy, very heavy, moving heavy, breathing heavy. Carrying a very heavy heart. It hurts inside my chest.

 

What remains of me? The leftover of a human being. What remains of us? Some bones covered by skin and maybe some blood in the veins. No soul. No life. Just alive until further notice.

Butterfly effect

I was lucky yesterday; I secured a sack of 25kg of bread flour (5 times the original price). It is enough for 2 weeks for the 18 people at home. I even expect to have, hopefully, half a cylinder of cooking gas, 6kg, also could be good for 10 days (also triple the original price).

Wood for fire is rare. Gaza Strip is so small and the agricultural area very limited; no woods or jungles. People have started to cut living trees to get wood for fire although fresh trees are wet and do not burn and do not make fire. Yet, people are desperate so they do whatever they can to survive. Poor Gaza. No trees will remain. Olive trees are slaughtered, trees in the streets are all shaved. Who can blame people who have no alternatives?  Desperate situations are always driving people to desperate measures.

Going back home from the market on a wooden cart pulled by a poor, weak donkey, I saw a small, white butterfly flying side by side with the donkey for more than 5 minutes. It was so lovely to see something of beauty in the middle of this darkness. It made me smile until I remembered reading that in some cultures, the white butterfly is a sign of death coming. Personally I do not believe in such superstitions, but to be honest, the idea did not leave my head.

At night more than 500 human beings killed in Gaza, from north to south. The majority were children and women.

Writing this piece, around me intense bombing and shelling did not stop at all. Hundreds of people are being killed at this time. Maybe me and my family will be among them, who knows? All those who were killed, more than 22,000 human beings who have been killed during the last 55 days, did not know that they were going to be killed in this brutal way.

Poor butterfly, I don’t blame you at all. You are beautiful. I know it is not you or your effect. I know that it is the Israeli Occupation Army who killed, mercilessly, all these people.

P.S. I like butterflies.

Untold story from Olympus

While sitting bored on his throne at the top of Olympus, Zeus ran his fingers through his long beard, looking down at Earth. There were lights in many places on Earth, there was darkness in many places as well. But he noticed a spot of light shining more than any other place. It was not artificial light, it was not sunlight, nor moon or starlight. He looked closer. It is coming from there, from a tiny place on the Mediterranean, a place called Gaza.

He wonders, what is shining there? There should be darkness in that place so what is shining?

Lucifer was not far and he heard the wonderings of Zeus. He said in his deep, low voice – these are the children and women of Gaza. They always shine. How does the God of Gods not know that?!

Zeus, frustrated that he did not know, said: ‘I want some of them here. Whoever can bring some of them now will be rewarded’.

Lucifer said: ‘Only the Army of the Dead can bring you these children and women’.

Zeus was shaken, ‘ No! Not this army! They are brutal. They are gruesome, fierce, horrifying, inexorable, merciless, hideous.’

Lucifer: ‘This is the only army that can make your wish come true’.

Other Gods: ‘Please, no, not this army. Not the Army of the Dead. Take any other army. Send the Amazons, they are good and strong. Send the Trojan army or send any one of us and we will bring you them. Send Mars, Neptune or Hera. Send Hercules or Ajax but not this army.’

Zeus, as usual, acts as he always acts. He acts selfishly. His will is an order, his dreams must come true, his wish must be met.

Zeus with his loud voice, holding high his lightning rod to spread fear among the other Gods, said:

‘Silence. No comment. No-one speak. Let it be. Send the Army of the Dead. Get me some children and some women from that Gaza. My desire is a demand and my demands are orders. Send the Army of the Dead now.’

All the Gods looked angrily at Lucifer. They wanted to kill him. But he is protected by the God of Gods.

Lucifer said: ‘Lord, you know that the Army of the Dead has demands too’.

Zeus: ‘What demands?’

Lucifer: ‘No-one should ask or question the means they will use to get you the children and women and no-one can ask them to stop until they stop. Do you swear to do this’

Zeus: ‘This is an Oath of Zeus, the God of all Gods.’

The Army of Dead was waiting with anxiety and joy, waiting for Lucifer to give them the good news. He was not late, he arrived with the happy news.

Lucifer said in his deep voice: ‘Go, my friends, put the Palestinian to the sword. You are free, with no questioning, don’t stop until you quench your thirst with their blood.

The Army of the Dead did not wait until he finished his speech. They launched their heavy hammers, their swords and spheres, their daggers and knives into the bodies of the Palestinian children and women.

Palestinian men were there, helpless, unable to do anything but to weep in pain and sorrow. Just like Prometheus in his chains.

Hundreds and hundreds of children and women ascended to the Throne Hall of Zeus. Group after group.

Zeus looks at them. They are not shining anymore, they have lost their beauty, they are not as he saw them from the top of Olympus. They are arriving in pieces, some are beheaded, some are without arms or legs, some are cut in half. Zeus starts to get frustrated, this is not what he wanted.

The Gods said with one voice: ‘Yes, this is what you wanted’.

Zeus: I asked for some, for a few children and women. Some means three to four, ten but not tens, not hundreds, not thousands.

All the Gods: ‘You get what you ask for.’

Zeus: Why do they slaughter their men? Why do they destroy their homes? Why do they cut their trees down? Why do they burn their fields? Why do they kill their cattle? Why do they deprive them of food and water? Why?

All the Gods: ‘You get what you ask for.’

He called for Lucifer but Lucifer had disappeared. Lucifer hid among the Army of the Dead. Zeus became angry. He shouted ‘Enough.’ But his loud voice was covered by the screams of the Palestinians and the roars of the Army of the Dead. Children and women continued ascending with no light, with no shine, ascending dead. The Throne Hall started to be filled with their bodies. The huge hall which could contain all the Gods, half-Gods, their wives and children and even their servants became full. Completely full up to the ceiling with piles of bodies. Thousands of Palestinian children, thousands of Palestinian women and thousands of Palestinian men.

Zeus on his throne astonished, speechless, unable to break his oath. And while all the Gods were watching him sadly, helplessly, they saw something they had never seen before, they saw Zeus with tears in his eyes. Tears of regret. Tears of sorrow, tears of weakness. The God of all Gods is crying for this blood shed and yet the Army of the Dead continue putting the sword into the soft flesh of Palestinian children and women.