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HOSSAM MADHOUN’S MESSAGES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES DURING THE ISRAELI ATTACK ON GAZA IN 2014 

10 July 2014

A reply to an inquiry about his well-being from a friend in the US

How do I feel? Sorry my friends, you are asking me the most difficult question I ever had to answer. Ask me if I am alive, that’s easy, yes I am, if I am safe, that’s also easy, no I am not, I could be another number in the news any moment just like the 91 Palestinians who have been killed during the last 3 days, just another number, oh how much I hate numbers, imagine you you live 46 years full of actions, memories, achievements and failures, love and pain, being well and getting sick, getting married and having a lovely daughter, and suddenly you are nothing but another number in the news.

No I am not fine (sorry if I sound tough) and please don’t take it personally

I am just angry, frustrated, afraid, yes I am afraid, for the safety of my daughter, my wife, my old mother, my brothers and sisters, my niece and friends. So I panic about receiving this phone call which already more than 100 people received

A phone call from the Israeli army asking to evacuate the home in 10 minutes in order to destroy it

Just imagine that moment when the Israeli army calls and orders you to evacuate your home to shell and destroy it within ten minutes. Imagine that! Just ten minutes and your little history will be wiped off the earth, your gifts and photos of your brothers and daughter when she was a baby, the stuff you like: your chair, books, the latest novel you read, a letter from a emigrant sister, memories of moments with whom you love, your habits of petting a gardenia on your window, your old clothes, your wife’s gold and the money you saved over your life. Oh! Everything comes to your mind and astonishes you! And then, you take only your identification papers inside a candy tray and go out to die a thousand times or, instead, you stay and die for once

Some families took the first decision; some others took the second decision, which is right? Who is wrong? From the outside you may think it is easy to answer, but from inside??!!! Believe me it is not that easy

For the third day, bombing continues, nevertheless what do you hear in the news in the west? But from inside I can tell you, what is happening here looks like nothing you ever knew, 91 persons killed, if we would consider the men are all terrorists, how could anyone consider the 24 children, the 16 women, the 12 old women and men among out of the 86 as terrorists

As I said earlier, I hate numbers, so, those 86 are:

Hossam lists all the names and ages of the dead in Arabic

Read Hossam’s next message. Next

HOSSAM MADHOUN’S MESSAGES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES DURING THE ISRAELI ATTACK ON GAZA IN 2014 

9 July 2014

It’s war that’s got used to us.

During one of the nights of bombing in Gaza, a conversation between a husband and wife, a conversation that happened and will happen in every house in Gaza:

Open your window sweetheart (to his child) – half open it.

But Dad I don’t like to sleep with the window open

Well you’re not sleeping in your room tonight

Oh…where am I going to sleep?

In the corridor

Why?

No asking why, just do it

Alright – but why do I have to open my window if I’m not going to be sleeping in my room?

So that if there’s bombing nearby, if the window is open it won’t get broken

(Mother:) Just do what we say, sweetheart

Ok, mum

(husband to wife): and you, darling, go sleep, put your bed next to the girl’s and sleep.

And you? Aren’t you going to sleep?

No. I need to stay awake in case something happens

Ok, well I’ll stay up, you go sleep

What are you talking about? Do what I say, change your clothes and go get some sleep

I’m not sleepy. And anyway, I want to sleep in my street clothes

Why?

It’s better – if we get bombed or there’s bombing close by and we have to run out of the house, I’m not going out naked.

You’re right. So I guess the girl should be dressed too

No it’s better not to scare her for no reason – even if something happened, she’s only young – she can go out in her nightclothes

OK

BOOM

Oh God, why is this happening?

What’s up – just bombing

Close

No, not very – don’t be afraid

Yes, but the walls shook

Just to warn you. Go back to sleep. So you don’t stay scared.

Did you shut the cooking gas off.

Yes

Is the re-chargeable light charged?

Yes, missus, I charged it

Don’t get angry, I was just making sure

I’m not angry, just jumpy because of the bombing

You think it’ll go on for long?

God knows

I hope it doesn’t go on for long

Insha’allah

If there’s a land invasion what are we going to do?

What are we going to do? Nothing. What can we do? Whatever God wills will happen.

It’s good we managed to buy a few things and have stored the food to last us a week

Yes, it’s good

Actually, we should have bought more to store. Suppose it goes on longer.

Thank God we have enough food for a week, there are people who can’t buy enough food for even a day.

Yes, thank God.

BOOM

Oh, heavens

And also I’m here with you…You know what happens during bombing – you shouldn’t be taken aback like this

And what do you want me to do? Is it in my hands?!

That’s why I’m telling you to go sleep

I can’t sleep when I’m scared

Why are you scared? Is this your first bombing? Or your first war?

No it’s not the first bombing or the first war, but I can’t get used to it – God damn it – who can get used to war?

Hahaha – no, actually, it’s war that has got used to us.

(translated from Arabic by Maysoon Pachachi)

Read Hossam’s next message. Next

HOSSAM MADHOUN’S MESSAGES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES DURING THE ISRAELI ATTACK ON GAZA IN 2014 

8 July 2014

good morning world, good morning from Gaza 

my city is bleeding, do you know that ???

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HOSSAM MADHOUN’S MESSAGES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES DURING THE ISRAELI ATTACK ON GAZA IN 2014 

6 July 2014

Dear Friend

sooooo sorry making you worry, I missed your call today ( I was asleep)

I want very much to tell you that I am fine, but I don’t want to lie on you. I don’t feel well, with all what is happening around us, with the threat of entering another cycle of violence in Gaza, with the threat of having no job and no income within the coming 50 days, with almost zero opportunity to find a job with the high unemployment rate in Gaza (almost 46%), with all my savings I built a home for my mother and sister, with my daughter because I may not be able to pay her school fees, with no horizon of any positive change, with Gaza completely closed and no way out, with my wife also finishing her job at the end of this month, with the shameful silence of the world on what is happening to us, with the shameful attitude of our authority toward what is happening to us, with the shameful hypocritical Hamas who claim that they don’t rule Gaza any more while they still keep 100% control over Gaza, it is very much frustration and despair

i just worry for my Salma, my daughter

Read Hossam’s next message. Next

HOSSAM MADHOUN’S MESSAGES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES DURING THE ISRAELI ATTACK ON GAZA IN 2014 

3 July 2014  

Hi Jonathan, can I talk to you.  I guess I can.  We are friends!

( Often the messages were sent to Az Theatre Director, Jonathan Chadwick; Hossam agreed we could publish them)

It is  7am Gaza time and until now I did not sleep, yes, there were bombing, but that was not the reason, I went to bed many times, a mosquito bit me, but also this is not the reason.

I am afraid my friend, afraid of losing my faith, I feel that some of the principles I believed in are shocked, did you see the attached photo, did you see those eyes, I am unable to escape from them, they are invading my soul,

Mohammed Abu Kdeir’s mother was shouting today: bring him to me, I will hug him and he would come back to life … she said it, believing in it, just a hug from a mother and the dead son will come back to life.

Revenge is no more than running after a dog who bit you in order to bite him (Gandhi said), I am sorry, but for the first time in my life I want to bite that dog.

The eyes of this boy and the words of his mother is asking me to do something, and you know what, I am helpless, I can do nothing, but not sleep and sit alone write to you about I don’t know what.

I feel so tired.

Do I ignore that there were 3 Israelis kidnapped and killed with cold blood??!  Do I?

Today, yes I do, i felt so bad for them, I felt very angry against the kidnappers, the killers, but today, I just don’t think about them, I think about Mohammad the 16 years old boy who was kidnapped, killed and burned  by the Israeli settlers, I think about the other 12 Palestinians who have been killed since the kidnap of the settlers, I think about the 100 Palestinian injured since the kidnap of the settlers, I think about the bombing of Gaza, for no reason from Gaza, since the kidnap of the settlers, I think about the 2000 houses searched since the kidnap of the settlers, I think about the 665 Palestinians arrested without being charged or even accused of something but of being Palestinian, since the kidnap of the settlers

I think it is Mahmoud Darwish who said that the dead do not feel pain, only us the living feel the pain, I am in a deep pain, my friend

I am trying my best to find the wisdom and look for any reasonable excuse to overcome my feelings, I know that wars create graves and cemeteries, and that there are no enemies in cemeteries (quote from a movie: heaven and earth!) but help me God, I am unable to be wise

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HOSSAM MADHOUN’S MESSAGES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES DURING THE ISRAELI ATTACK ON GAZA IN 2014 

18 June 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Closed like a can of Tuna from the four sides, between the sea and barbed wire, between a wall and the barrel of a gun, and still under attack! Never mind why! No drinkable water in Gaza and no food, no freedom and no future, no in and no out, perfectly like a closed can of Tuna

Children in Gaza grow up believing that things like Paris and London, Great Wall of China and the pyramids, rivers and mountains, snow and travelling, wild animals and jungles and deserts are all fantasies…. There is nothing but planet Gaza!! And the bombing… this is the entire world. Nothing out of Gaza! Nothing entering Gaza! … but the bombing. Bombing from the sky… from the land…from the sea… bombing… bombing. (It sounds familiar… and funny! Hahahaha!)

From time to time there is a bombing for a reason or even… if Gaza launches a stupid handmade rocket to the outside, it will return many smart destructive rockets, if Da’ish invades Mosul or if Assad launches chemical weapons at Damascus, let’s bomb Gaza. If some Israelis are kidnapped somewhere in Gaza or outside Gaza or even get lost, Gaza must be bombed… if Spain loses a game against Holland in the World Cup, let’s bomb Gaza. If the Titanic sinks in the North Sea, let’s bomb Gaza, bombing, bombing, bombing, yes.

Follow Hossam’s messages from Gaza. Next.Unable to be wise